Mayte's Dating Chronicles: A Ronacoaster of Love
I like to tell myself that my dating life is terrible because of Corona. As if I haven't been single since 2018. But there is a difference between dating AC (after Corona) and dating BC (Before Corona). Dating BC, things were bleak but there was still optimism in my heart. Dating AC? Things are dire, Code red.
There's a thought that Covid will force us to get to know each other more deeply. It'll remove the distraction of the physical and we'll just be talking into the night. "You can really use this time to get to know someone!" This is what partnered people tell single people thinking it 1. makes sense and 2. will make us feel better.
Now I want you think about your day: a day full of zooms, a day full of "hey can you hear me? wait I can't hear you, it's muted, you're muted", a day full of "hey, i think you're frozen?". What do you want to do after this long day? Is it go on another zoom with a stranger you matched with on a dating app and small talk each other to death while you wonder if he's actually 6'0 like his profile says or more like 5'9? Where you wonder how to frame your ambition because men find it intimidating? Because that is virtual dating in 2020. As someone living alone where all of my interactions with people are virtual, I can forgive myself for struggling to also date virtually.
Though I'm not even sure I'd call any of this dating. But it is what's available to me so let's go with it. While it is true that my dating life wasn't thriving by any stretch of the imagination prior to Covid, the affect of this pandemic on my dating life cannot be understated.
Here are a few of the ways that my dating life has caught Covid.
Covid has changed the information I need to know out the gate. For example, if I thought me a Bronx woman dating a Brooklyn man was long distance before? Now it's pretty much intergalactic. I will not be getting on anyone's subway for a stranger during this pandemic. Oh no, honey. Not for inter-borough travel.
Oh, you have roommates? Because 6 months into this pandemic and roommates just sounds like a different pronunciation of covid carriers. Everyone in your household taking it seriously?
Which mask do I wear for this date? Figuring out a first date outfit so that you can look great from 6 feet away and not catch the plague is a little harder than I thought. I don't have the skillset for this. Thankfully, Tyra Banks taught us all how to smize.
Unless you're this guy:
(Pictured: a screenshot of a conversation between a bumble match and myself.
Him: I dislike wearing masks. I wear them only when I can't social distance, stores, etc.. So if you're clean I wont wear one with you. Not sure if that's a deal breaker for you.
Me: It is. Best of luck. )
Don't be like this guy.
If sourdough starter pics are the new dick pics, then masks must be a condom's 2020 tether. How are we supposed to even have the condom conversation if you don't even wear a face mask? The Dating Chronicles is also the Celibacy Chronicles because just wow. In all honesty, I wasn't necessarily surprised by the comment. After all, people can always find the audacity when they can't find some sense.
What shocked me was how quickly I said "No."
If you would have asked me about my deal breakers two years ago, I don't think I would have told you anything real. I would have told you things that never actually broke the romantic deals I made with men. I treated deal breakers more like moments for pause until I learned how to say no and yes and mean them. I can rationalize myself into ignoring my instincts. But between my depression and Covid, it is clear to me I cannot have anyone in my life who doesn't want me alive. It is that deep. It is that simple.
I've had two in-person dates during Covid - well two and a possible. That makes a total of 2 dates I've had in 2020. They've both happened during the summer. If I'm lucky, maybe I can go for a hat trick before Labor Day.
Let's try dating apps again...
(Pictured: a screenshot of a conversation between a different bumble match and myself.
Him: Ever been upstate? Me: Not too often.
Him: We should change that.
Me: lol not during a global pandemic
Him: Oh you don't have antibodies yet? They're pretty lit. Trust me.)
Anyone selling antibodies online? I hear they are pretty lit. 🙃
Drink some water. Wear a mask.